WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
