i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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