Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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