I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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