Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
