Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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