I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
