they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
