She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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