I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
