I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
did i walk over a car last night?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
