Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
