This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
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I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
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Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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