..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I've blown a few things in my day
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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