Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
