i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
