I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
