I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
