do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
