don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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