In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
