im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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