GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
