Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize