is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
