I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
