Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
