i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
