When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
