the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
