He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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