Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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