My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
