Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
