Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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