I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
