Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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