I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I cut my penus on the lid.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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