Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
