wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
