He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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