PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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