Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
