Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
