How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
