OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
