Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
