I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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