dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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