so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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