im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
