my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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