Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
