My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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