so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
