for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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