if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
