i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
