He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
