you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
