you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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