I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
