What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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