I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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