Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
