you would pick up someone in the library
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
