I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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