don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
