the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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