You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
