I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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