I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
