omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
