No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
