Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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