My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
