we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
