I don't usually arrange sex via text message
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
