i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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