If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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