he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
