I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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