At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
