Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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