We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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