I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
