My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
did i just pee glitter
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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